BEANSTALK JACK

in

Jack Goes Back!

by

 Martin Higgins

You know, I had it tough as a kid. I never knew where my father went off to and my mother didn’t want to talk about it. Sure, I asked her, but she would always say “After your father lost all his money, he just disappeared” and “Now you have to be the Man of the house and do all the chores your father used to do.”

After that, I hardly ever asked questions about him or even spoke unless I had to. The townspeople started calling me simple-minded or stupid. But I got good at listening and understanding what people really meant when they spoke. When they called me names I knew what they really meant was that I was not just like them. And, since they didn’t seem to think clearly, that was just fine with me.

But you all know my story – the Magic Beanstalk, besting the Ugly Giant, tasking the Singing Harp and the Goose that laid the Golden Eggs and then, supposedly living happily ever after. But it was only happy for a little while. Saying “happily ever after” is just a storyteller’s way of saying, “Now, go to sleep.”

After I got back home with the Goose and the Harp, they stopped calling me stupid. Suddenly, all the townspeople were shouting “Jack, you’re so brave!” and “Jack, you’re so wise!” and “Jack, you’re so generous!” But I could hear past their words to what they were really saying. It was more like, “Jack, give us some of your money!”

My Mother was fooled by the greedy people and she gave away dozens of Golden Eggs before she realized that we still lived in a tumble-down shack with a leaky roof.

“We need a new house,” she said, “a beautiful one because now we are well-to-do and important and respected by all our new friends in the town.” I shook my head, “Wrong, Ma. We’re still the same as we were before; we just have more money.”

Mom didn’t want to hear that. I guess after all her years of being poor as a mouse, she wanted to believe that money was the only thing we needed to solve all our problems.

“You’re still simple-minded.” she said, “You don’t understand how the world works.”

Well, it was then that I knew, as sure as I knew that there was magic in the beans, that my mother was going to be tricked into losing everything. I put two of the Golden Eggs and some of the magic beans from the beanstalk into my pocket and left for the town market to buy back my cow, Flossie.

When I got there, she was so happy to see me, she mooed and licked my face. The Butcher said, “Well, if it isn’t our local hero, Jack. Have you come to buy some meat for your dinner table?”

“No.” I said, “I came to buy back my cow, and go home.”

The Butcher got a strange look in his eye and said, “Of course, of course, the cow you traded to my brother for the magic beans. You know, honestly, I could have planted those beans and climbed the beanstalk and gotten the Goose and all her Golden Eggs, if I wanted to.

I was amazed. The Butcher was the laziest man in the village.

“The way I see it,” he said, “this cow is now worth much more than what I paid for her. Maybe… one hundred Golden Eggs.”

I knew by the look in his eye that he was just greedy, but knowing that gave me an advantage. “I’ll do better than that,” I said, “I’ve brought four Magic Beans to trade for her.”

The Butcher got angry. “You’re crazy!” he said, “Everybody knows you and your mother have lots of gold now. One hundred Golden Eggs, that’s my price.”

I let him wait before I answered.

Then I pulled a Golden Egg from my pocket and let it sparkle in the noon-day sun. “Have you ever held one of these? It’s pretty…” I said, as I tossed it to the Butcher.

He caught it and held it in his hands. His eyes got very wide.

“It’s heavy, too!” I added.

But the Butcher couldn’t hear me. He was too busy imagining how he would spend it. His mouth hung open and a drop of spit dribbled down from his lip.

“Duh, duh, duh,” he said, “duh, duh.”

I held out my hand, but he wouldn’t give it back to me. He looked at the egg, then at Flossie, but he couldn’t make up his mind. “One Golden Egg for my cow.” I said, taking Flossie’s rope and beginning to walk, “Take it or leave it.”

“Done!” said the Butcher, as he ran home to tell his wife what a wonderful deal he had just made.

So, I climbed up on Flossie’s back and as we ambled home, the sunshine on my head and the cool autumn air on my face never felt so good.

There was a strange carriage outside my house when we got home; four big horses in front and footman in the back. It was a little too fancy for anyone who would visit my Mom out of friendship.

I opened the door and there, inside our shack, was Monty Crispo, the biggest braggart and liar in the land. I smelled a rat: greedy, self-centered and nasty. And he was holding my Mother’s hand!

She was smiling and blinking and listening to him talk about how they were meant to be together. I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted our Golden Goose, because he was the greediest man that ever lied about love.

“My sweet Petunia,” he whispered, “come with me to my castle and be my most precious love.”

Mom giggled like a kid and they made weird kissy-faces. I couldn’t believe that she liked Monty – the most disgusting faker ever. When he saw me, he did what most dumb adults did – he talked to me like I was a baby.

“Hidey-ho there, Jackie-boy, how’s our scruffy little fellow today?”

I wanted to kick him, but I decided that I could turn this to my advantage.

“My name is Jack, not Jackie,” I said, “and I don’t want to talk to you. You’re a big liar. Now, let go of my mother’s hand.”

Well, he didn’t let go of her hand. He turned to her and said, “My goodness Victoria, Jackie certainly is a brazen little fellow, isn’t he?”

My Mom giggled at his dumb remark and I guess I just lost it. I stomped on Monty’s toe so hard that he jumped around like he was playing hopscotch, yelling, “Ooch, ouch, oochie!”

Mom got mad at me and yelled, “Jack! That was terrible!” I said, “Ma, he just wants your money, otherwise he would have come to marry you years ago!” But she only rubbed his dumb toe and talked baby talk, “Oh, my poor little huggedy-bear, did my mean wittle boy hurt sweet Monty?”

Yuk! When I heard that I wanted to throw up!

“Jack,” my mother said, “I’m going to marry Monty and that is that.” And I knew then that nothing I could say would change her mind. To my Mom I was “Simple-minded Jack” again. Sometimes people can be so stupid.

So she left to marry him, taking the Golden Goose with her.

I was okay for a while. I had enough Golden Eggs to buy food for me and hay for Flossie for a few years, but worrying about my Mom got the best of me. When I asked my Singing Harp what to do, she sang:

When you first met with the Giant,

You found a Golden Goose that squawks,

And soon you were delighted

By a Singing Harp that talks,

So, to battle Monty Crispo

Feed the flames of his desire.

Plant the seeds of sky-high wealth

And let the greedy fool climb higher.

 

I still had the four magic beans from my beanstalk and one Golden Egg in my pocket when I climbed on Flossie’s back and rode over to Monty’s castle.

Crispo’s servants were mean, but they let me in anyway, telling me to wait in the Great Hall. The walls were covered with paintings of the Crispo family, and on the fireplace mantle was an enormous gleaming steel broadsword.

My Mom walked into the room still wearing her same old raggedy dress.

“Hello Jack,” she said, “have you come to apologize to your new Dah-dah?”

I couldn’t believe that she was still on his side.

“No, I haven’t come to apologize or even talk to Monty. And he’s not my father or my Dah-dah. He’s a Blah-Blah liar and a cheat and he’s just using you to get our Golden Goose.”

That’s not true!” she screamed, but she saw that I was looking at her tattered old dress. “I haven’t gotten any new clothes yet because… Monty is waiting for a special dressmaker to come from the Land of Sumptua. He wants only the best for me.”

“Wrong, Ma, he only wants the best from you. Can’t you see that? He just wants your money!”

Mom looked at the floor and said, “I would hate to think that that is true.”

Just then Monty limped into the room and snarled at me. “Well, the toe-stomping brat is here. Victoria, I told you he is not welcome at my castle. Tell him to go!”

Well, my Mom got really mad and said, “If you loved me you’d welcome my son, not throw him out.”

“You’re right,” he said, picking up our goose, “If I loved you, I would… but I don’t. So, now then, both of you get out.”

Mom started crying and we left with a mean looking castle guard walking right behind us. I let my mother ride Flossie back to our shack, but about halfway there I had a tremendous idea.

“Ma, you go on back home and wait until morning. Then, meet me back at Monty’s castle with the Singing Harp and my ax.” I said, feeling the Magic Beans and the Golden Egg in my jacket pocket.

Mom said, “I know I made a mistake, Jack. I so wanted to be loved that I was as blind to Monty’s greed. He loves only gold. I should have listened to you. You’re not simple-minded, my son.”

I smiled up at her and kissed her hand, “Don’t worry Ma, I have a plan. Now, go, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

And I ran back down the road to Monty’s castle.

I hid behind a bush in the courtyard garden and waited until dark. Then, I planted the magic beans right outside Monty’s bedroom window and sprinkled water on them.

There was a rumble and a little green stem shot up out of the ground. Up and up it went, getting bigger and thicker as it grew, right before my eyes. In a minute, it was as big as an oak tree and still climbing, so jumped on a huge leaf and let it carry me up to the sky. I mean I knew how this worked now, so why should I bother climbing?

By sunrise, I was high above the castle and just a few feet under the clouds. Monty’s guards, far below me, looked like tiny bugs as they scurried around, waking everyone up.

When I saw Monty Crispo limp out of his bedroom to the see the beanstalk, I hid behind a big leaf and started honking.

“Honk! Honk!” I shouted, imitating a goose, “Honk! Honk!”

Monty was still in his royal pajamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but when his heard me honking, he ran around shouting, “There’s another Golden Goose up there! Another Golden Goose! MORE EGGS!”

When he said that that I took my last Golden Egg from my pocket and let it fall to the ground. I tried to make it land on the ground next to Monty, but luck was with me and it landed right on his bad toe.

“Ouchie wouchie!” he yelled, but when he saw that it was a Golden Egg, he forgot all about his hurt toe and started climbing up the beanstalk as fast as he could.

“Gold!” he said, “There’s more gold!”

So, I hopped up onto the cloud and headed for the Giant’s castle.

 

The huge wooden door of the Giant’s castle was closed, but it was easy for me to sneak in under it and wait for Monty to arrive. The castle hadn’t changed a bit, and I wondered if the Rilla, still lived there.

“Rilla?” I called out, “It’s me, Jack.”

Well, she ran up to me and smiled “Jack!” she said. “You’ve come back!”

Rilla was a gorgeous redhaired girl who was kidnapped by the giant when she was little.

“Will you help me get away from here?” she asked, “I was too scared to climb down the beanstalk by myself last time and I’ve been waiting a long time for someone, anyone to rescue me.”

She had helped me long ago by hiding me from the Giant, so now I wanted to help her.

I said, “Yes, of course I will, but first you must help me. Then we’ll climb down together and you will be as free the breeze to do as you please.”

“Yes!” she shouted, “Tell me your plan!”

When I whispered in Rilla’s ear, she giggled and said, “I’ll do better than that! Just watch.”

She made fresh pot of magic giant bean soup from the pods she had picked off the old beanstalk. I knew that she had something extra special in mind.

 

I could hear Monty huffing and puffing as he ran up to the castle. Then, sure enough, he slithered under the door like the snake that he was. He sneaked around under the Giant’s table and chairs looking for the Golden Goose, but of course, there was none to be found.

Rilla stepped out from the shadows and said, “Who are you?”

Monty started lying as usual, but this time he was out of breath and nervous. “Oh, my dear woman! You frightened me! I was… er, just looking for the Lady of this fine castle.”

“That would be me,” she said, “what do you want?”

Monty wiggled and squirmed, “My, you are a beautiful flower of… ah, beauty, my sweet Petunia. I have heard that you are the most… ah, beautiful… ah, beauty and I have come to ask you be my precious wife.”

Rilla clapped her hands and jumped up and down, “Oh thank goodness! I thought you came to steal my treasure or my goose.” she said.

“Goose?” Monty shouted, “I didn’t know you had a goose. I love treasure, I mean, gooses… ah, geese. For a pet, I mean, to pet them and…”

He lost control.

“Where is it?”

I knew he would not leave until his pockets were full and he was clutching a goose. But he would be clutching only himself, because soon HE would be the goose.

“We’ll get Goose-goose in a moment, but first, let’s gather all my treasure to take with us back to your castle.” Rilla said, “I always wanted to marry a handsome man like you. Let’s go right away!”

She led him to a treasure box and opened the lid, “Of course you know about my magic slippers.” she said, “When you wear them, you can walk for days and never get tired.”

“Good, good,” Monty snapped, putting the slippers in his pocket, “now let’s get the goose!”

But Rilla reached into the treasure box and held up a metal cup, “This is my magic goblet. Whenever you put it to you lips, it fills to the top with sweet nectar.”

“Great, great,” snarled Monty, putting the goblet in his pocket, “but were is the GOOSE? I mean, I love you so, my sweet Petunia, please bring me the goose!”

Rilla smiled, “So, you really want to be my husband?”

And Monty, the sneaky cheater he was, crossed his fingers behind his back and said. “Yes, I do. But you must let me pet the goose!”

Rilla said, “Good, now all you have to do is share supper with me and we will be husband and wife.”

So she set him down in front of a huge bowl of giant bean soup and he swallowed a big spoonful. Monty was so greedy that he wanted all the soup too. He swallowed another, then another spoonful until I thought he would burst.

And a most amazing thing happened.

He started growing. Just like the beanstalk! Up and up and wider and wider. His face got ugly – I mean uglier – and his clothes tore, ripped to rags as he got bigger.

Until he became a Giant just like the one I fought a long time ago.

His jacket fell to the floor with the slippers and goblet still in the pockets. I took Rilla’s hand, picked up the slippers and goblet and ran for the door.

When Giant Monty saw me, he yelled, “You! Jack! You did this to me!”

He tried to run after us, but now his pants were so tight that he couldn’t do anything but waddle like a duck! He took a step forward, stumbled into the giant’s table and stubbed his toe.

“OOCH! OOCHIE! GA-GOOCHIE! he bellowed.

I was scared, but I couldn’t resist one last joke.

“Honk! Honk!” I shouted, “Honk, honk, you greedy liar!” And we ran under the door, and back across the clouds to the beanstalk.

Monty was hopping around on his good foot, so we got a long head start.

And we climbed back down to earth as fast as we could.

Near the bottom of the beanstalk, we saw my Mom standing with Flossie and the Singing Harp. All of Monty’s guards and servants were staring up at us.

“Where’s my ax, Ma?” I screamed, climbing down as fast as I could.

Monty roared, “I’ll crush you, you little brat!”

The guards and servants screamed as they ran to hide from the Giant.

“Ma!” I yelled, “The ax! Where’s my ax?”

She scratched her head and shouted, “Oh dear, I knew I forgot something.”

I screamed “Oh, no!” just as one of Monty’s giant feet poked down beneath the clouds and felt around for the beanstalk.

My mother shouted, “Don’t worry, Jack. I’ll ride back to our shack and get the ax now.”

Tremendous leaves were falling to the ground all around me as Monty slid down the beanstalk, lower and lower, closer and closer.

I knew I was in trouble, until I remembered the gleaming broadsword in the castle’s Great Hall. I ran to get it as fast as I could.

By the time I got back to the beanstalk, Giant Monty’s foot had just touched the ground, so I raised the sword and hit him square on his big bad toe.

“OWWWWWW-WAH!” he bellowed, climbing back up, out of my reach. I chopped at the leafy vines, sending big chunks flying with every swing. Monty scrambled up the beanstalk as fast as he could, but it began to sway under his weight.

He reached up and pulled himself back into the clouds, just before the beanstalk crashed to the ground with a mighty KaBOOM!

After the dust settled, the guards and servants returned, so we all went into the castle to talk. All of them had seen that Monty was now an ugly Giant and that he wouldn’t be back again. So they weren’t sure what to do next.

That’s when I reminded them that Monty had married my mother and she was still the Countess of the castle. I said, “Except for losing a giant pain in the butt, nothing has changed.”

We told them to prepare a feast and proclaimed a holiday for all. Our Golden Goose wandered in and laid a Golden Egg at my feet and our Singing Harp started to sing.

With an egg and a song, it didn’t take long,

Now our Kingdom is fit as a fiddle.

`Cause, when all looked black, Jack went back

With a plan he had made from a riddle.

 

And you know, I had to agree.

Because, if you listen carefully when people speak, you can hear a lot more than just words.

And we live happily… no wait… I mean we just live happy.

- end -

 

Tags: beanstalk, children's story, fairy tale, fiction, jack, Martin Hiiggins, story teller, story telling